Just thinking...

I'm about to head to bed, but just have a few thoughts I want to jot down. There is so much stress in my body right now. This week I find out if my 2nd attempt to pass the bar was successful. I'm nervous about it because failure again would be mortifying. Maybe it's all about perspective, though. Maybe I should let it all go. I took this exam 2 months ago and did not really think about it so why 2 days before results come out am I so wound up? Anticipation is a B#$%H. I just spoke to Edith and she said we should think positively. Positive thinking is something I also struggle with. I assessed my weaknesses and tried to confront them first this time around when I studied for the bar. Hopefully, all works out. Wow...every time I think of the results there is a tingling sensation going down my back....craziness. We'll see.

What If?

There are a bunch of what ifs rumbling in my head. What if I lived alone and therefore had no added stress of living with another person? What if I moved to France for a year or two...would it be as pleasant as I think? What if I was successful in my first attempt to pass my exam? What if I knew exactly what my dream job was? Then what if I found my dream job? What if I owned my own property? What if I did not have to think of my family's problems/drama? What if I could put something down and it will remain there until I return? What if I met my Mr. Right and did not know it? Wait a second...what if there is no such thing as a Mr. Right? What if dating was not so hard? What if I could have a quiet moment to myself every morning at the same time? What if frustration was not a part of my daily routine? There are so many more what ifs, but I think that will do for now...

Spring Cleaning

Performing a task that one does not want to perform in the first place is not very exciting especially when it comes to cleaning. I decided to take this Saturday to begin spring cleaning. I mean...the days are getting longer, spring fashion is in season, and it is definitely time to ship out the old and make room for the new. Anyway, as I looked at this daunting task, I suddenly realized that most of the crap that needed to be shipped out is not mine. Imagine that. I'm making the piles, calling up places to donate extra clothing, and then it hits me...this apartment is full of stuff that is not mine. So the question is should I continue to clear the clutter or leave it to the rightful owner? However, the rightful owner has no problem with all the crap in the apartment and I do. I think I answered my own question. I'm going to continue clearing out what I can and those things that I believe have "sentimental value" or are of some importance I will leave them. I'm making an executive decision. If anyone has a problem with that, I'm sure they will have no problem alerting me. Back to spring cleaning. I hope this doesn't take all spring to clear out this mess. I can't believe we accumulated so much stuff. I definitely need to work on my idea of living simple. Feng shui anyone?

Living with Family Sucks!!

Does anyone know the pain that I'm going through? I just graduated from school and now live with my mother. There is a name for this...nowadays it is called "Boomerang Generation". At one point, graduation signified freedom...well now...not so much. Well, at least not for me. I was okay with living with my mother and helping her out. However, now there is another element I did not anticipate. My brother temporarily moved back in. I mean...our apartment is small...it is definitely a tight fit. I want to move out and get my own place. The problem is my mother is 65 yrs old and is not currently working. I can't leave her with my brother who has no money and no job. What kind of daughter would I be? I guess I have to suck it up right now.