Feelings...nothing but those freaking feelings...

I've been really in tuned with my body of late which is really creeping me out. I notice side effects after I eat, I can tell you how many headaches I get a day, and that I'm feeling a bit fatigued more than usual and not to mention the stiff neck and tingling sensation in my back I feel sometimes. Anyway, I'm basically new as a hypochondriac but I know that this description fits me. Actually, there's a new term for this...cyberchondriac. I google all my symptoms and come up with the worse results ever. The problem occurs when I read a couple of symptoms for a specific diagnosis and immediately believe that my symptoms fit...oh...the horror sometimes. Also, once I google my symptoms I can't get the diagnosis out of my head...so now...whereas before I just had a severe headache, now I'm thinking my severe headache may possibly be a sign of some freaking disease. And what is a pinched nerve anyway? I feel like I have them all over.

I never use to be like this. Stress from the past year and up to date is the culprit...I know it is. I can link my first anxiety attack to the bar exam. Now I worry about everything. If I haven't had a particular sandwich for a month or two, now...I'm like "Should I eat this or eat something that I've had consistently?" I know...I'm over thinking everything and that's not good particularly because I feel like its approaching the compulsive stage. I have to get out this type of thinking. Oh...how I miss the days I was a human garbage disposal and I ate everything and anything I wanted without thinking of any consequences. I think I just have to take life slow...and remember to breathe and that every little thing is not about me. This itself is hard because I do believe most things are about me...well sometimes anyway.

This summer is for me to learn how to relax and have fun again. I miss being in a relaxed state and sleeping definitely does not count. By the end of the year, I hope I have remembered how to relax and not take things too personally. You know what? I'm going to try a new sandwich or dish next week. I'm tired of letting my worrying stop me from enjoying life. Until next time...